Heavyweight Boxing

by Thomas Greco, Publisher

As most of you know, I’ve been writing this column for decades. And every month, it amazes me how the good Lord blesses me with some kind of story to tell. Whether through a memory or a current event or happenstance, I sit here every month and feel truly blessed to be able to do it.

Sometimes, people tell me I have a talent for this. I’m not so sure. I was never a writer growing up. I never desired to be a writer, never mind make a living at it. I have never felt the urge to sit down and write. Yet every month, when I’m told I need to come up with a column, I somehow come up with something. I’m not saying they are always good, but they are something. If my math is correct, I am closing in on almost 350 articles. Now that may not sound like much, but try writing 350 articles about yourself! LOL! It ain’t as easy as it sounds! As I said, I am extremely blessed. On that note, here’s my latest adventure…

A couple weeks ago, my son, my brother and I were watching college football after our weekly Saturday dinner. My brother asked about the big dark spot on the TV screen because if there is ANY kind of imperfection on anything (or anyone), my brother Ralph will point it out. I told him that the spot has been showing up on and off for months, but it usually fades away. Of course once I said that, the spot decided to stay on the screen the entire time we were watching.

Being the impulsive idiot I am, I turned to my son and said, “Joe, let’s run to Best Buy and see if they have a replacement.” My son smartly pointed out that it was 8:10pm and the store would close in less than an hour. I told him not to worry. “Secaucus is only 10 minutes away. We’ll be in and out in no time.” He shook his head, and we headed out the door. Ralph asked, “Where you going?” 

“To get a new TV!” 

Before we left, however, we made sure to measure the area so that we could get the right size. The current TV was 82 inches. The wall behind it was 85 inches. We took off, measuring tape in hand, and headed to Secaucus. It was now 8:15pm.

Cruising along, my son decides to pull into a gas station. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m almost empty.”

“Come on, we’re running out of time. You certainly have enough to travel 20 miles!”

He didn’t want to hear it. Cautious kid, my Joseph. 

We got back on the road and walked into Best Buy at 8:25pm. We browsed, measured, found one we liked and looked around for a salesman. And we waited. And we waited. Finally, Joe tracked someone down, and we told him what we wanted. “Sorry, we’re all out of that one.” We asked about our second choice. “Out of that one, too.” Third choice. “No, but we can get it to you tomorrow.” No way Mr. Impulsive was waiting 12 hours. We finally found an 85-inch Sony they had in stock for a great price. (Now, before you ask why someone needs a TV that big…I certainly don’t have to explain compensation to repairers, right?) I told the guy we’d take it, but Joe kept asking if I was sure it would fit the TV table. After a while, he had me doubting it. So I called my wife, but quickly decided we were overthinking and told her, “Never mind.” We paid for the set and went outside to bring Joe’s SUV to the front. As we watched the Best Buy guys wheel the TV out, Joe and I just looked at each other. There was no way this frigging MASSIVE box was going to fit in the truck. The TV may have been 85 inches diagonally, but this box had to be at least seven by five FEET! 

We asked the Best Buy guys what to do. One guy suggested calling someone with a pickup truck. Another suggested an UberXL. A third said they had tried that and it didn’t fit. They all shrugged, walked back into the store and locked the door. It was 9:05pm.

I started calling around. My nephew Mike had a pickup, but he was rushing home to his sick dog. My friend Keith has a pickup, but he was down the shore. My friend Anthony has a van, but he was about a half hour away and wasn’t sure it would fit anyway. 

Joe and I were stumped. Here we were, stuck in a parking lot with a monster size TV at 10pm on a Saturday night and nowhere to go. We had to laugh. Then, I had a brainstorm.

I remembered my good friend Al Petracco, a former Mayor of Nutley who owns Petracco & Sons Deli – as well as a van. Maybe I could catch him. Luckily, Al picked up on the first ring. But he was tied up. He said he would leave the keys to the van under the mat. I would just have to come and get it. Thank God for Commissioner Petracco!

I told Joe to stay at the Best Buy (as if he could go anywhere); I would take his SUV back to Nutley and switch with the van. As I was driving home, I realized I needed another measuring to make sure the van was big enough. So I called my wife again. This time, the call kept breaking up. I finally got through and told her to run out the measuring tape when I pulled in the driveway. When I arrived, she came running and asked, “Why do you keep calling me? What are you not telling me? Is Joe in the hospital?!” Yes honey, I need the measuring tape to make sure he fits in the hospital bed. 

I drove over to get the van. Thankfully, the doors were big enough. I climbed into it, and everything in my pockets fell out.c I got out, walked back to the SUV and put everything in there. Everything except for my wallet. It had disappeared! SOOOO there I was at 10:30pm on a Saturday night, searching a van I don’t own, crawling around in the middle of a dark street with my phone flashlight and trying to find my wallet. I gave up and started to jump back in the van when I noticed something shiny in the street. It was my wallet! (See? I told you God likes to give me these stories!)

As I pulled into Best Buy, I saw the funniest thing: There was my son, standing alone, behind this GIANT TV in a dark Secaucus parking lot with not a soul in sight.

When he saw me laughing, he said, “Thanks. I could have gotten mugged.” 

I said, “Joe, what are you worried about? They may have taken your money, but they certainly weren’t getting this TV. No way it would fit in their Honda Accord!” 

We got back to the house and thankfully the TV fit perfectly. Although my back still aches from lifting that mother. Just another day in the life…BLESSED.

Want more? Check out the October 2024 issue of New Jersey Automotive!